


Changing Tides

by Lady_of_Greenwood



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2017-12-31 09:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_Greenwood/pseuds/Lady_of_Greenwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane is dying and Fai is standing on the brink of breaking completely. Tomoyo pulls him back. [[Part 2 "Calm Before Clow" Kurogane PoV]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Filling the Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Basically what I imagine was running through Fai's mind while Kurogane was bleeding out in front of him. Obviously set only moments after Celes.

Blood, blood, _blood_! It was everywhere; on his face, in his hair, soaking his clothing and seeping into the ground around him.

On any other day, in any other world after Tokyo and before Celes, its smell would have excited him, it would have made his hunger and thirst jump to almost unbearable levels and its taste would have brought him satisfaction like nothing else.

But now, now that it's flow went uncontrolled, now that it was everywhere but where it was supposed to be, now that Kurogane was dying, Fai barely noticed it's scent in the air or the slight tang of it in his mouth. Panic was overriding any other emotion and the world around him had turned into a sickening swirl of colors and sounds and if you asked him later he would tell you, that he didn't even remember when and how Mokona's transportation spell broke.

All he would remember later was the scent, the taste, the color of blood. The blood of his love and how it flowed freely from the stump of an arm, just one of many sacrifices he didn't deserve.

And all he could do, all he had ever been able to do in his life while people he loved suffered, was beg and pray to whoever would listen, that somehow, someone would help before it was to late. And he cried, tears of sorrow, tears of self loathing and of fear. He wished it was all a dream, that nothing of this was really happening and that he would wake up, in another world somewhere, with Kurogane looming over him, an annoyed look on his face and both arms where they belonged, telling him to "get his lazy ass out of bed and make himself useful".

But he knew that this wasn't a dream, that this was reality, and so he cried for Kurogane, for Syaoran and Sakura, for Fai who he couldn't safe, for Ashura who's expectations he couldn't fulfill and for himself, his worthless self that just couldn't do anything right. He didn't care that Kurogane would call him an idiot for thinking such, that his magic ran like acid through his veins or that his lungs burned like they never had before, he just wanted it all to end.

He just wanted to be free of the nightmares that seemed to have taken over his life and to forget everything that happened so far. But that too wasn't possible, another wish that would never be granted and another person close to him that would die…because of him.

"All is well."

He flinched as a small hand carded through his hair and a gentle voice, soft and familiar, spoke next to him. Fai raised his head, his single eye still leaking tears and his lungs still protesting against the magic that burned them, too look at Tomoyo who stood next to him in all her royal glory.

"Kurogane will not die", she assured him and for once in his life, even through all the helplessness he felt in his heart, a spark of hope made itself known.

Maybe this time he wouldn't lose the person he cared most about.

Maybe this time they could be saved.

Maybe this time they could stay together.

And suddenly his magic settled and the hole inside of him wasn't so empty anymore.


	2. Calm Before Clow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 in Kurogane's PoV

The moon stood high in the night sky, glowing like Kurogane had never seen it glow before, and he thought it ironic that it would do so the night before they left for Clow. This might be the last time he ever got to see his home world and the moon was singing a song of farewell, or that's what it seemed like at the time.

His new arm burned where it connected to his shoulder but he was quickly getting used to the sensation and rougher movements. In all honesty, he did not see how a piece of steel would ever be able to replace his real arm but that Delivery Guy had assured him that this one was only temporary, a last-minute job to accommodate his needs at least slightly so that he did not go into battle with his balance completely off. And the mage had paid for it. The mage, so selfless that it bordered on insanity, had paid for this new arm with the last of his magic. He had paid for it not because he felt obliged to do so but because he had wanted to, plain and simple, and Kurogane felt a rush of warmth flooding his body as he thought of the earnest gaze and gentle smile, so different now that the mask had fallen away.

 

_I won't give my own life away as payment…not anymore._

 

If asked Kurogane would not be able to tell anyone what exactly he had been feeling that precise moment. Relief, happiness, pride and an emotion he could not name came together in one numbing flare that left him breathless and even coaxed a real smile from him. A smile not even Tomoyo-hime had managed to charm from him in all their years as lady and ninja. 

Kurogane sighed softly and leaned back against the frame of the sliding door, eyes wandering the gardens that lay underneath his room and glowed with an ethereal silver. This was his home, the place he had wanted to return to, but for some reason he now felt that he did not belong, not completely. He knew he would not be staying — did not want to stay — , not now or the next time he came here, though he could not tell exactly why. He just knew and did not doubt his own instincts on that matter, accepting the fact like his new arm but he could not help but wonder. When he started this journey all he had wanted to do was return home, give Tomoyo-hime a piece of his mind, maybe take his frustration out on Souma and be done with it, but somewhere along the way that had changed. But when and where? And how? 

A small, almost invisible smile, crept across his face as he pondered these questions. The first two he would probably never be able to answer but the third, the _how_ , he knew. He changed because a certain princess had shown him selflessness, because a certain brat had shown him determination he had never known, because a certain white manjuu had shown him optimism even in the most dire of situations and because a certain mage had wormed his way into his heart and festered there like an infection he could not get rid off, no matter how much he tried. And at some point he had stopped trying all together. 

Why exactly he did not know quite yet, though it was a constant buzzing in the back of his mind, steadily moving towards his awareness. The mage had grown to be a constant in his life he did not want to miss, even more so than the princess and the brat even though he did cherish the two more than he could understand himself, and every time he was in danger his body moved without his consent only to realize later that this was exactly the thing he had wanted to do.

 

He registered movement below. Speak of the devil and he shall appear, he thought when a certain mage stepped into the shadow cast by the wisp of cloud that had moved across the moon. He was still wearing that furisode he had caught Kurogane off guard with the night before and the shinobi had found rather quickly that he didn’t mind. It accented the mages slender figure nicely and the not too bright colors underlined the pallor of his skin. It suited him and Kurogane found himself thinking how much he would like to see this side of the mage in the future. 

He leaned back further and watched as Fai stepped up to the pond and sank gracefully into a crouch there, his blond ponytail spilling over his left shoulder. He stood with his back turned to Kurogane and was apparently deep in thought for he would have noticed the eyes locked onto him if he had not been. As Kurogane watched, Fai let his fingers slip into the cool water slowly, only the fingertips submerged, and shift a little so that the shinobi could see his profile. A peaceful smile lay on his face, something so unusual for him that it bordered on a miracle that he had been able to do so more than once in two days. 

Kurogane felt his own lips curve upwards of their own account and he found he didn’t mind. He could have spend hours looking at the mage like this, only looking and not feeling the urge to do something about the way he was acting, not feeling the urge to break the mask he was wearing. Because there was no mask - not anymore. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed but suddenly the cloud over the moons moved on and the silver light hit the garden once more. Kurogane felt his breath catch in his throat and his spine grow rigid at the picture before him. The mage seemed to glow, his skin catching and reflecting the silver moonlight like the finest of Amaterasu’s pearls and the golden strands of his hair washed out to a silvery mess of silk. But more than the obvious beauty of someone that used to be a thorn in his side, was the heartbreakingly beautiful, gentle look the mage threw upwards towards the moon. He didn’t know why but Kurogane had the distinct feeling that this was the first time Fai saw the moon as something that did not promise false freedom from a corpse filled valley or mocked him with its detachedness over the death of someone so beloved that life itself held no meaning anymore, but as something simply beautiful that helped the world move on and gave hope to those who believed in it. 

Through it all, it offers protection and love, no matter to whom and was a symbol of purity. He looked to finally have found the strength to look past the memories connected to its light and just be at peace with its existence. 

And that was what made Kurogane, if only for a second and only because he had heard the description so many times during their travels, think he was looking at the closest thing to an angel out there. It was that which made Kurogane realize what had been stirring not in the back of his mind but deep inside his heart.

 

He loved the mage. He loved _Fai._

 

He made up his mind faster than he could think and jumped down from his room into the gardens, touching down into the grass almost without a sound. It was enough to pull Fai from his thoughts and that golden eye met his own red ones, together with that beautiful smile. 

They exchanged no words. None were needed. They just stood in silence for a few moments, looking up at the sky and the moon quietly. Then Fai shifted slowly, carefully, until he leaned against Kurogane’s right side, blond hair spilling over the black Yukata, and Kurogane raised his arm just as slowly to wrap it around that narrow waist. Then they shifted their heads to catch each others eyes, smiles playing across their lips and Kurogane not minding Fai seeing it. As long as it was Fai, it was all right. It would always be all right, he knew that now.

No words were needed, no indication was given, they just moved at the same time. One leaned down, the other up, and their lips touched in a slow, gentle, tender kiss that Kurogane now knew had been coming for so long. It felt so right, so meant to be, that the shinobi wondered briefly how he could have been so stupid as not to notice before tonight and if the witch had been right with her talk about Hitzusen, but these thoughts were blown away at the next kiss they delved into, at the sweet taste of those soft lips and the scent of the man he now held in his arms, pressed against his chest. 

 

For the moment Kurogane didn’t care what would come next, what would await them in Clow. He just knew that, whatever happened to them, this would always be right. His only regret was, that it had not happened sooner. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not familiar with this sort of writing so please tell me what you think. And tell me if I should make this into a series of insides of all present characters, because I am playing with that idea.


End file.
